Mud isn’t just for exfoliating: We take the Land Rover LR3 on an off-roading spa day

Land Rover knows what it is. Regardless of model, it’s a given that a Land Rover has the kind of off-road know-how to take you anywhere you want to go.

But where do you test those age-old claims if your daily drive doesn’t include the Rubicon Trail? After this history-resetting winter, I had hoped for a unique challenge when the 2007 Land Rover LR3 arrived at its tail end, just before spring broke. The best we got in town was a day of clouds and hail, so I had to go farther in search of a challenge.

The world’s most complete luxury 4×4 just got smarter, with the 2007 model year Range Rover Vogue TDV8, pioneering an innovative world-first technical solution - the petrol fuel guard system.

The petrol fuel guard system helps prevent drivers filling their diesel vehicle with petrol - an increasingly common error in this age of the ultra-refined diesel engines. Land Rover’s innovative new system is incorporated into the vehicle’s diesel filler head and automatically activates the intervention of a mechanical shutter if a petrol nozzle is inserted, preventing petrol being dispensed into the diesel tank.

Step into a Land Rover, any Land Rover, and you’ll feel like a king of the road. An urban cowboy, a tarmac taming wheel warrior.

Four by fours inherently make every journey an event in itself, and the Freelander 2 is no different.

Its high-ceilinged cab, brutish good looks and gruff engine grumble all add to the sense of occasion once you step inside. What’s more, its sheer size demands respect from other drivers, although it’s equally likely to be fear, depending where you aim it.

ZF have a long standing and successful history with Land Rover. Their vehicles have been fitted with ZF auto boxes for longer than most of us care to recollect. And since the introduction of the world’s first 6-speed auto box in 2001 the relationship has continued to be a strong one with the units being fitted to Discovery, Range Rover and Range Rover Sport models.

But ZF don’t just do auto boxes. April 2007 marked the milestone of 1 MILLION (I think that number is worth repeating: 1,000,000) Axle system assemblies delivered to the Solihull assembly line. The first unit appeared in July 2004 and since that date they have been fitted to the Discovery and Range Rover Sport models.

Despite its having been gentrified, and equipped with a new engine and gearbox, the Defender is still a Defender, and all the better for it.

Believe it or not, there is a small island in the south Pacific where Latin is still spoken by 95 per cent of the population. Even their TV programmes are dubbed in Latin, including Star Trek, the island’s equivalent of Corrie.

Indeed, so obsessed are the natives with what they know as Astrum Migrare, that whenever a visiting freighter calls at their small harbour, the locals invade the quayside in the hopes of meeting a Scottish sailor to whom they can proclaim: “Me transmitte sursum, caledoni.”